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Are women submissive or loyal or just materialistic ?

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indu chhibber
from Kota |

I am a woman but i often fail to understand the motive behind the reactions of some women in crisis.Take the case of Shiny Ahuja's wife-she supported him unflinchingly--perhaps he really was innocent,we don't know.But what about Leela Maderna--she knows her hubby Mahipal Maderna carried on behind her back but she is his strongest supporter today. Why ? Is it plain loyalty ,or an attempt to keep her home intact ? There might be other factors at play--but it IS difficult to understand why women who have been wronged, come out in defence of the wrong-doer.

What do you all say? Should women be doing this ?Is it nobility & forgiveness on their part ? Do enlighten me.

Replies 1 to 20 of 24

Rumbaho.com
from Hyderabad |

@indu

http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2010-09-08/news-interviews/28239653_1_shiney-ahuja-har-pall-maid-servant

http://shineyahujainnocent.blogspot.com/2011/05/shiney-ahuja-speaks-to-media-after-two.html

indu chhibber
from Kota |

yes dear it does seem that Shiny is innocent...what a hellish experience for him!

RioZee
from Out of this yEt in this World |

Even Hilary clinton firmly sided with bill , so it all depends,

Rumbaho.com
from Hyderabad |

But Lewinski never backtracked. The maid confessed to lying.

The Sorcerer
from Mumbai |

Yes, men can be easy targets too.

indu chhibber
from Kota |

Pramod Hillary's response is more understandable in the Indian context where as Animesh says women r brought up 2 b forgiving & understanding...besides they may not have ne one else to fall back on....but Hillary is a powerful woman,well able to fend for herself....Rumbaho rightly says Monica never backtracked...still Hillary forgave him ...was it d strength of their relationship or other practical considerations which motivated her ? obviously d strength of relationship was nill for Bill.

Animesh
from Mumbai |

Upbringing of women same everywhere, be it India or abroad.

Kristy Kumari
from Amritsar |

I think it was political for Hillary to stay. If you look at their relationship now, it's clearly not the same as it was before that bombshell was dropped on her. She's obviously more distant.

indu chhibber
from Kota |

You are right-in the case of some women their upbringing & forgiveness must be at play.

Mayur
from goa |

Shiny ahuja was attracted to a maid, that presents very badly on his wife Wink. So they support their husband, or it will seem that they were not satisfied with their wifes. Wink

indu chhibber
from Kota |

What a unique take on the topic,Mayur!

Mohini Puranik
from Dhule |

Everything changes from person to person, I feel....

indu chhibber
from Kota |

Yes it does, but should we call such women large-hearted or pragmatic or spineless ?

Mohini Puranik
from Dhule |

Not spineless, it's all depend on the situations and people among which they are brought up. And mostly our families keep girls submissive. So this may happen. Can't say anything about big public figs. Their life and common people's life is different.

TF Carthick
from Bangalore |

I think it is plain opportunism. They do not want to leave the luxury of compfortable life with their unfaithful husbands. In foriegn countries on the other hand, you can continue to leave a comfortable life by filing a divorce suit against your husband and winning a handsome package as alimony. If Indian laws were also like that, I am sure Phanish Murthy and Shiny Ahuja's wives would have walked out with a neat package. Tiger Woods wife walked off with a cool sum. Hillary Clinton remained behind to promote her political career.

Mayur
from goa |

i had the same views but was afraid to present them and project women as greedy and take the wrath of "maa kalis" of indiblogger. Women can be very cunning sometimes you will thing they are so selfless and simple but will never know what dangerous signals their neorons are firing at that time.

indu chhibber
from Kota |

@Mohini...yes some simple women are so submissive that they do not think of revolt.

@The Fool...Your analysis is correct ..many women do hang on bc of the perks their marriage endows.If we could peep, i wonder what sort of a married life it would be!

@Mayur....Don;t be afraid of maa kalis...they cannot harm you from distance.

StyleDestino
from Mumbai |

Well it is really a person's individual choice. Some people have a bigger heart to forgive the wrong doers and some dont. Some love their other half unconditionally and are willing to ignore their wrongdoings, while others cant do that.

Some might fight with the wrong doer in their personal space, but think its their duty to protect them in public. SOmeare scared to venture on own, while others dont give a damn and punish the guilty.

Its all a matter of personal choice, circumstances, upbringing and own value system. Everyone has their own reasons and beliefs and we cant judge them. And we should not. As far as I am concerned, I think there is no excuse for cheating, and no matter how much I'd love the person, I wouldnt want to carry a relationship which has had a dent on it. If someone does, I'd respect them, its their life and thier decision. I can just talk about it, but the person has to go through it. So instead of pointing fingers, we should understand what the circumstances would have been with her that she has to put up with a person who has wronged her.

Hemal Shah
from Mumbai |

I am not allowed to talk on this subject anymore after being pronounced a sexist! ;)
Having said that, its women's nature. her man is everything for her n she may go to lengths to protect her man/marriage.

indu chhibber
from Kota |

@styledestino-thanx for such an exhaustive reply....u r right on every count....u have missed your calling girl...write more about such subjects!

@indianomics.....not every woman i think.

Ram A Singh
from Silvassa |

Maderna,s wife is  supporting Madera only to save his family. She already lost her husband if she diregard Maderna she even lose her family and future of her children. Ladies can sacrisfy anything for husband and children, that is their character specialy India woman.

indu chhibber
from Kota |

 In today's world it is impossible to shield grown up children from such hot news...no matter how hard she tries the truth will come out one day & the repercussions will follow...Maderna has already spoiled his family's name & peace of mind....i sincerely hope he has not destroyed his children's future.

Ram A Singh
from Silvassa |

it is not human being but it is with living beings tendency to save itself till the time the pran is there. So everybody know that Mr Maderna is a main culprit but she is indian wife who know for sacrisfies and she  also doing same. 

Ram A Singh
from Silvassa |

it is not human being but it is with living beings tendency to save itself till the time the pran is there. So everybody know that Mr Maderna is a main culprit but she is indian wife who know for sacrisfies and she  also doing same. 

TF Carthick
from Bangalore |

I am not sure about Shiny Ahuja's innocence. Initially when the case came up, he was trying to prove that it was consensual sex. Though not illegal, the idea of a married man having consensual sex with maid sounds kind of gross. A man capable of that I would beleive would be capable of rape as well.

And one of the worst cases I can think of is DGP Rathore. His shameless wife Abha Rathore is fighting his case as a lawyer. I have only contempt for such women.

indu chhibber
from Kota |

CryI had forgotten about Shiny's initial statement--this does put a new light on the whole affair....but then the maid admitted to having lodged a false report...only God or Shiny know the truth.

But please don't be so cruel to Abha.....we don't know her circumstances;whether she has anyone to fall back upon,whether she can support herself independently,whether she is being coerced to do this.See, a woman who has led a sheltered life for donkey's years may not be emotionally capable of taking such a huge decision all of a sudden...as styledestino & many others have said,individual differences have to be taken into account.

abhin@v
from mumbai |

Its wrong to generalise women as submissive or materialistic. I think it depends on that individual. Some women are able to forgive and move on, for the sake of their relationship, while others head for a separation.

indu chhibber
from Kota |

There could be many reasons behind a woman"s forgiveness. Yes forgiveness has many benefits as i have said in my blogpost "Forgiveness for wellness" http://jeeteraho.blogspot.com

Relax Please
from New Delhi |

they are submissive.. loyalty surfaces due to that.. women like wives of Maderna and Ahuja are spineless.. perhaps they deserve their husbands!!!

indu chhibber
from Kota |

Relax & all above,

Don't misunderstand me frnds,my hubby is a perfect gentleman;but all this discussion led me to think what i would have done if i had been in their place. Well at this age i cant look for support from my parents.My siblings & kids have their own lives & i wouldn't like to thrust myself upon them.If i was financially independent i would have spent no time in shifting out.But i am not that & i ineglected my carreer for the sake of my family.So what would i have done ? One thing is crystal clear-i would not ever have defended him in public.I would not have forgiven him, bcoz certain things i just cannot gulp.Then what ? 

I think i would let him stew in his own soup & cut off all connections with him.I would wait eagerly for him to be taken to prison so that i can live in peace.The question of leaving the marital home would also not arise bcoz i had given up my own life to make it.

What do you say ?

umesh derebail
from Mumbai |

Even Hillary clinton forgave the discretion of her husband, life goes on.  But many a times when it comes to property issue there is a bitter rivalry you can see women changing colours too.  There are many cases of property dispute where women take full advantage of being the weaker sex.  This is where MEN suffer because law tends to favour them even if evidence is fabricated and presented.  By and large it is the upbringing which determines the characterstics.

indu chhibber
from Kota |

Frankly i dont know much about property disputes-who cons whom--perhaps lawyers are better suited to answer this.

In adultery too,law favors women.Ex husband has to pay alimony to wife even if she has been unfaithful.

Subhorup Dasgupta
from Hyderabad |

The examples that this thread is focused on might not be the correct yardsticks to judge this situation by, as they are mostly celebrities or people in power, be it clinton or DGP rathod, or the minister or the actor. In a realtionship where money or power is not at stake, and there occurs an act of obvious infidelity, how do men and women respond? How many women would be prepared to look at it (their partner's infidelity) as a lapse and be willing to work towards building the relationship back again? And now, turn the tables around, and ask yourself, how many men would be prepared to do the same if they found their partners to have been in a realtionship with another man.

I think the question is not really whether women are submissive or materialistic, but how the gender difference manifests itself in relationships and with regard to money, power, prestige, and security. One simple example is the anti-dowry laws in India. From the lowliest of peons to the judges of family courts, everyone knows that the law is misued to harass men more than it is used to defend the rights of harassed women, and this abuse is perpetrated by women across class, caste, and education. When your security is threatened, you will be ready to compromise on most things, your values, your pride, and your relationship principles.

Things work one way in theory, but in practical life, people (men and women) frequently find theselves acting in a different manner, because self preservation overrides ethics 99% of the time.

indu chhibber
from Kota |

Actually it is only about the celebrities that we come to know.In lesser known homes this could be a daily occurence---cant say what % of couples are totally faithful to each other.Obviously more women than men tolerate this--whatever be the reasons.Yes it would be an admirable act to try & mend the relationship,but it depends upon whether the errant partner is a habitual offender & whether s/he is repentive or not.

Kitty
from Mumbai |

There must be many factors and reasons why some women are like that. A married woman, that too, a mother, cannot be selfish or think about herself only... so calling her spinless is a bit rude. Most of the time a mother sacrifies and compromises only for her child...for family.

StyleDestino
from Mumbai |

I think you can't generalise women or for that matter any particular clan in general. There are all sorts of people in the world and they all have their own individual beliefs and traits. There are women who are submissive and will stand by their spouse no matter what, and then there are others who will never take unloyalty no matter what.

There are so many women around who know their husbands have cheated on them, but they'll still stand by them. Its the way they have been brought up sometimes, they've been convinced that all men are like that and if you want to be happy you got to ignore this as long as he is good to you. I had a friend whose dad had extramarital affair. Her mother was also working and independent, but despite that even though she knew what the husband does behind her back, she blatantly ignored that and accepted him. When my friend discussed with me about this, she told me that what good would come from leaving her dad or causing problems at home. He'll jjust be more careful next time, but you cant change someone. And if her mom would leave him, whats the gurarantee the other guy won't be the same. So as long as he is a responsible husband and father, its best to ignore it. So thats the way Indian women, in fact even in western countries, have been brought up.

When it comes to others, like me, no matter what the situation I don't think cheating is an excuse. And even if I have to live off streets (just a metaphor), I wouldn't share a roof with someone who has cheated on me. 

So its a very personal thing.