Domestic Violence : The silent Suffering

Tikulli
Tikulli
from Delhi
13 years ago

The issue of Domestic Violence is not just limited to Drunken Husbands beating up their wives but it covers a vast range of otheragonies that both the men and women go through. Men? Yes, the number of men who suffer the violence at home at the hands of their partners is very large. It's just an issue no one wants to disscus. The other issue long hidden under the carpet is marital rape.

I would like all my blogger friends here to come out and disscus on these issues and see if there is way to counter this evil that is destroying our society from the core.

http://tikulicious.wordpress.com

I have two posts on these issues if anyone would like to read more about it.

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टिकुली जी, मुझे वे दोनों पोस्ट आपके ब्लोग में नहीं मिले। वे कहां हैं? अपने ब्लोग का पता देने के बजाए क्यों नहीं आप उन दोनों पोस्टों की कड़ियां यहां देतीं?

घरेलू हिंसा का विषय काफी विस्तृत हैं। उसमें कई प्रकार की हिंसा आती है, जिनमें से दो का आपने जिक्र किया है - अपने पियक्कड़ पति के हाथों पत्नी का पिटना और वैवाहिक जीवन में बलात्कार।

इनके अलावा घरेलू परिवेश में ये हिंसाएं भी खूब  होती हैं -

- बच्चों पर हिंसा (जिसमें लड़कियों के साथ घर के सदस्यों (जिसमें पिता भी शामिल है) द्वारा बलात्कार)

- वृद्ध जनों के साथ हिंसा

- नौकरों के साथ हिंसा

- बहू पर सांस-ननद आदि द्वारा की जानेवाली हिंसा (जिसमें दहेज को लेकर बहू को परेशान करना भी शामिल है)

इस तरह घर जिसे अधिकांश साहित्य में और बातचीत में गौरव-मंडित किया जाता है, अनेक प्रकार की हिंसा का अड्डा बना हुआ नजर आता है।

इसका समाधान क्या हो? इसका जवाब आसान नहीं है।

घरेलू हिंसा का एक कारण हमारे समाज का पितृसत्तात्मक होना है। जिससे पुरुषों को अधिक अधिकार मिले हुए हैं और स्त्रियों से अपेक्षा की जाती है कि वे पुरुषों के अधीन रहें। पर आधुनिक शिक्षा और मूल्य पुरुष-स्त्री को बराबरी का दर्जा प्रदान करते हैं। इससे टकराव की स्थिति पैदा होतीहै।

दूसरा कारण है आर्थिक तंगी। इसी के चलते लड़कियो के प्रति पक्षपात किया जाता है और नौकरों का शोषण किया जाता है।

तीसरा कारण हमारे समाज में वृद्ध जनों की देखरेख के लिए कोई अलग व्यवस्था का न होना है, जिसके कारण उन्हें अपनी संतानों के परिवार के साथ रहना पड़ता है। यदि संतानों के पास पर्याप्त पैसा न हो, तो वे वृद्ध-जनों को बोझ समझने लगते हैं।

आजकल के अधिकांश घर भी पति-पत्नी और बच्चे को ध्यान में रखकर ही बनाए जाते हैं, इससे बड़ा परिवार हो, तो जगह की कमी के कारण भी परिवार जनों में तनातनी की स्थिति पैदा हो जाती है।

ऊपर से हमारे समाज में अनेक प्रकार की विषमताएं भी हैं, जिसके कारण भी लोगों में हिंसक वृत्ति पाई जाती है।

Tikulli
Tikulli
from Delhi
13 years ago

I was not sure if I can give the links

here they are. I am a new member so if there is any rule I need to know please feel free to update me. hope the links work.

In silence I suffer :Hidden Hurt Intimate betrayal ….The untold trauma

पहला लिंक अब भी ठीक नहीं है, दूसरा ठीक है।

Tikulli
Tikulli
from Delhi
13 years ago

Sorry  about that . I am still learning to add links etc. there are two post  at two places hence the problem . now giving both. hope they work.  first is a link on my blog second is the blog entry. keep the thread moving.

 

I Suffer in Silence

In silence I suffer :Hidden Hurt
Tikulli
Tikulli
from Delhi
13 years ago

Why are people shying away from dissuccing on this important issue

come on guys...

Tikulli
from Delhi
13 years ago

typo error discussing

Renie Ravin
Renie Ravin
from Chennai
13 years ago

I trying to think - have we ever had a social cause as a sticky topic before? It's quite sad if we haven't. I guess this topic will get a better response now!

Tikulli
Tikulli
from Delhi
13 years ago

Thanks Renie for posting here. I was wondering if I was wrong in approaching this sensitive issue but it is too close to heart to neglect. I too hope everyone will come out and voice there opinions.

Hemal Shah
Hemal Shah
from Mumbai
13 years ago

It is surprising that you (being a women) have put it openly that the mistake can be from either sides. I am saying so because, women mostly dont recognize men suffering. You see, the only women who has yet posted is you!

But it is a realty, this domestic violence thing. A man cannot understand a women is because she keeps changing. And some men too change. But it should be easy to predict that.

Also, there is a tactical shift among the members here. Except for a very few people here, people are very busy just reviewing each others blog. Well, that is something this forum is for, but they could have also particiapted in other issues being discussed.

Hope people find this useful.

Ulhas Vardhan Golchha
Ulhas Vardhan Golchha
from Kolkata
13 years ago

Hey Tulika,

You are just into domestic violonce but what about the violence about the animals.

Just give a look here

and the say what the hell are the humans upto................

Tikulli
Tikulli
from Delhi
13 years ago

Thanks for keeping the post alive. There are some things I would like to say here.

1. I do not write this as a woman but as a sensitive human being. Do read both the posts on the subject and for further info click domestic violence male victims in google search. What you read will change your thinking for good.

2. Change is part of human nature and it is not the question here. I know women take advantage of the rules and law being on their side hence the cases against DV male victims see unreal. Men do not come out to say one word due to the social image they have for centuries. The Post have written is a true incident and I know the man well. Did not want to say this but it is a fact.

3. love has nothing to do with all this there are devoted loving wives who suffer beyond imagination and in their case also sometimes silence is the best remedy due to various personal and social pressures.

4. I agree that there are no helplines in India or any support groups but the question is if the victims do not gather courage to fight for there dignity once and for all what will the help lines do?

5. I hope women will post here too maybe one has to spread the word.

6. I am aware of he violence against animals but that is another issue that can be discussed in another thread. you can not say that there is poverty so we should no talk of dowry. Two different things all together.

please get your facts from the internet and look within and around you, there may be people suffering next door or in family.

It is our moral duty to educate ourselves on such issues along with others. That's what we imbibe in our children.

@Vyas ... thanks buddy.

Tikulli
Tikulli
from Delhi
13 years ago

Hi Kads

 good to see your post. Financial dependence is just one factor my dear and mostly it is with women victims. With men there are so many things. I have seen this person suffer and when you really talk it over you understand the trauma that is inside. I am not taking sides but women do misuse the status they have in the society. Even they are victimized at large scale but the average % of male victims is higher across the globe. it starts with  minor verbal discord which we see on daily basis and takes an alarming form. Those who go through it are under such trauma that sometimes it is difficult for them to  take actions

I am writing from personal experience and that is what I wrote in the blogs too. Read them.

Kadambari Iyer
from Chennai
13 years ago

OMG! I read your post. It was a nightmare. I never expected this. I couldn't imagine such emotional and physical trauma, mainly 'coz women always glorified their pain. Any dirty linen would be washed in public. And they'll brand men as brutes.

But looks like men do suffer in silence. Their pain hidden and voice unheard. Darn! I'm so shocked.

Tikulli
Tikulli
from Delhi
13 years ago

Choco

 you try the  link again I can open both  or do go to my blog and search for the post please.

Men do realize it so do the women. Support system with in families can work only if there are no loop holes in the judiciary. It is not a easy situation as not so simple. Men are often not heard just because everyone is tuned to the fact that women are weaker and often the victim . Men do not have an upper hand  here.

As for women acting as acomplices .. well what can I say. It is true because we never go beyond our limitations and rise above the gender bias.

rads
rads
from Chicago
13 years ago

That was horrible, the person suffering should stand up to his rights and give it back. I have a friend who's husband left her the very first day after their wedding saying that he's been forced to marry and he didn't want to see her face again. Kinda feels like a filmy dialouge but it happened and those were the exact words he said. She didn't sit and cry but instead went out, got a life and is now going to marry a guy who understood her and loved her for what she is. Be it guys or gals suffering in silence will not help, it only gives heartache. If a partner doesn't respect his/her co-part then its his/her problem and the other should leave them with their problems and move on with life. Before departing they should try to talk or meet a counseller and sort it out but if nothing changes after that too, then its better to leave it at that and simply say 'tata bye-bye, hope we never meet again'.

PS: Posted the same on your blog.

Tikulli
Tikulli
from Delhi
13 years ago

Hi Shweta

 Well I too hope things improve for him for he is a brillant guy, the best in his field. I saw the Man Cell pic, yes it is true that untill and unless we see the reality with our own eyes we just think it to be untrue. I wonder how many men actually visit that cell.

Ravi Sagar
Ravi Sagar
from Delhi
13 years ago

I posted that picture of Man-Cell (seen at many places in delhi). I got this comment on my blog http://ravisagar.in/blog/man-cell#comment-169

This guy has mentioned that he gets "taariqh pe taariqh"

People do get frustrated with these delays and starting loosing faith in system. It must have been hell for him going through pain.

 

 

Tikulli
Tikulli
from Delhi
13 years ago

Hi Ravi I know this as fact that many of the victims who step out to seek justice eventually loose hope coz of the loopholes in our system. It is traumatic. Women do get heard very fast but men ....

Sad but true

Hemal Shah
from Mumbai
13 years ago

its because of men only that women can take advantage. had not men put them in locked rules of soceity, this misconception that women are less likely to create issues would never arisen!

Tikulli
Tikulli
from Delhi
13 years ago

Hemal

 It is sad that you think this way. what would you say to the men who abuse the very existance of women everyday. Men like you who want to chain and lock them away, treating them as not even humans.what should be done to them?

I wonder what other men on this forum will say to your comment, women I know will kill ya for sure. I feel sorry for the women in your life. Any woman.

 

Kush Sharma
from Pune ,Lucknow
13 years ago

Strange!

One who raised the issue of voilence(domestic or other wise)utters the worlds killing,it proves the point of Buddha who said in fact voilence is not in the act of it, but in the thought of being voilent.

whole of my life I have lived by voilence as that is part of my job. But I never allowed to make it a place in my life and more important in my thoughts!

Removal of cause is more important than trying to apply ointment of fale love on the 'epidermice' of relationships!

One has to give up 'ego','lust' and intolerance if you want to avoid voilence, in any sphere of life.

Kush Sharma
Kush Sharma
from Pune ,Lucknow
13 years ago

OOOppsss!

"ointment of fale love on the 'epidermice' of relationships!" 

amended to read as:

"ointment of false love on the 'epidermis' of relationships!"

Anshul Tewari
Anshul Tewari
from Noida
13 years ago

I have posted a comment on your blog

Tikulli
Tikulli
from Delhi
13 years ago

Thanks Anshul for your comment on my blog. I am honored. will surely try to be the guest blogger on your blog.

I wonder why there is such low response to this thread. Don't see many women bloggers voicing their thoughts either.

Wonder if taking a backseat on issues like this ,is the cause for these evils to take root in the society.

@Kush

Point taken :) thank you.Smile


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