Which is more important marriage or career?

Anjali Sengar
Anjali Sengar
from Gurgaon
6 years ago

Whenever I call my married friends especially female, they always have long list of problems of married life. One common complain of each female is sacrifice of career coz of marriage. They say we were better before marriage, there is no benefit of getting married. 

            So my point is which is more important marriage or career?

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The Sorcerer
The Sorcerer
from Mumbai
6 years ago

how many people who posted here are married??

God knows, but I am married.
Fairy Princess
Fairy Princess
from Delhi
6 years ago

Why should a woman face such a situation? Innocent And if a husband and in-laws aren't supportive, maybe she should quit for a year and blow all their money away. Go shop, travel and eat until her husband is nearly bankrupt. That should teach them a lesson Sealed

Fairy Princess
from Delhi
6 years ago

And provided the woman actually wants to have a career.

FP, very sane advice. She wouldn't be having any control of funds, because such people are very vrry shrewd and take care of every dime they have. She can opt another method of blaming torture and dowry demands and send the whole family to jail to rot.
Rashi
Rashi
from Dallas
6 years ago

I would say get married only if you feel like and even after marriage never force yourself to give up on your dreams ,coz its a hard fact of life,everyone wants to make themselves happy.If you are not happy ,you can never keep others happy.You have only one life,live the way you want to but at the same time give space to your betterhalf to do the same.Keep a balance and you will be able to enjoy both your marriage and your career.But to some extent i believe that this is possible in india only when you stay alone with your hubby.This kind of senario is not possible in a joint family in india till now in most places.

HR
HR
from Bangalore
6 years ago

Ye thread phir se aagaya...dono milke laddoo bhi khao aur lado bhi Undecided

Sugandha
Sugandha
from Noida
6 years ago

Oh, I'm almost graduating from college, and this question does haunt me! But I believe, as long as one is doing what they love to do, as a career, and being married with someone who supports you, whom you support too; with whom you work as a team, that's what matters! Smile

Bushra M
Bushra M
from Bangalore
6 years ago

You can have both. Just be smart and make the right choices! CoolTongue out

Nice one.
CyberKID
CyberKID
from India
6 years ago

Okay, being social animals, we tend to live in the society that comprises of millions of other 'social animals' like us. Now the society we live in, already has a hundred of things to stop us from doing what we please. Even the society controls whether we want to live on or die, so what's the point of blaming the institution of marriage alone? It's a personal matter of two adults, and whether one wants the other to give up their current life and start a new one with them, or both do that. who are we to interfere and influence that?

I have come across a number of bloggers, I am talking about male bloggers, who, against the norms of the society, have gone on to do the tasks, a woman, is traditionally expected to do. And they are proud of it, and I too am, seeing them living by their own rules.

A lot of things happen because the society wants them to happen. Those who don't like that happening, may choose to go against the society. A classic example is the trending LGBT discussion, that's being accepted by societies throughout the world.

The Sorcerer
The Sorcerer
from Mumbai
6 years ago

So why not just get a divorce and have a mutual separation? The 'No hard feelings' type. Do the thing and move on. Humans have a pretty short natural lifespan for a dominating species so people should just get things done quickly rather than wasting time in complaining. They should ask if their husbands feel the same. You'll be surprised they may feel the same, but probably keeping their mouth shut for many reasons. Being in a relationship where you feel stifled- man or woman- is of no use. I am assuming that aunty does have a qualification to get a job and become self-sustaining, so other than the initial period it should be much better. Or live separately without divorce, do their thing as well. How hard is it to get things done in this day of age? Especially one qualifies on paper to get a job? These days I see both parties getting a job and working to bring a good income at home as much as possible, and hiring someone to take care of the house by staying 24/7. Same with my neighbour. At some point in the near future, time will come where both parties have to work to bring income at home. 

Looks easy to say, but in practise, reality is different.
The Sorcerer
from Mumbai
6 years ago

Either one stops complaining about it or do something about it. Everybody makes compromises at a certain point in their lives, even if you keep aside marriage. But if someone feels it's a one-way track, its best to end it then and there. You live. They live. Everyone goes home. Not happy, but at least they have a shot in going back to the right track. Assuming the reason for feeling like that is not because of the other guy, it's not fair for that person too. The essence of relationships starts to rust and crack eventually. Would you rather wait for that? Especially when you start getting kids and they become matured? Because when that happens, kids get involved too. And that's not cool. 

 

 

 

Besides, many people have done this irrespective of male/female. Some regret it even though they achieved something out of it, some regret because it was a waste and ruined a relationship which later looked as healthy. Some don't regret it- irrespective of the results. Whatever one does- male or female- if one regrets doing something which they felt later that they shouldn't- they're stupid. Regrets are for those who made a decision based on insecurity rather  than their own free will to do so. Living separately and achieving a career is also not a pretty good solution.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is why kids needs to start being upfront with their parents about their marriage. They should be married because they want to be rather than because they have to. But if they did thinking that its for their parents, that individual is stupid. That other person's life becomes attached with you, and if the relationship buckles, the other person suffers too.  Nothing is easier said than done, but complaining about it and doing anything is stupid. 

TS, it is like this, a cancerous area is first treated and in last stage it is removed. Your way is straight forward and clear but everything is entwined in Indian culture. Sacrifices, expectations of parents, etc. still play an important role in Indian context. Innocent pranks lead to devastating levels. I recall an incident some 10 years back. I was going in a train from Ajmer to mumbai. A group of friends too were traveling back after visiting dargah. One of them was chatting with his wife on phone and his friend played a prank and took the phone from him and told his wife on the other side of phone that they had changed plans and were on way to Mussoorie. Now this guy was at receiving end. She believed him and a small prank and this guy held his phone to his ear hearing her. I couldn't hear what he was listening to but after listening to her for some time his male ego blurted, "why, why can't I go to mussoorie if i like." and cut the phone. I was seeing they were in same train to mumbai, and unnecessarily created a rift. By evening time situation had gotten worse as i saw upto divorce over phone. At night eleven o clock i saw the guy tense smoking cigarette near toilet area and we got to chat a bit. Point is simple pranks go to extremes.
Nandini Deka
from Bombay
6 years ago

everything is entwined in Indian culture.

 

 

what on earth is indian culture? what is practiced in your house may not be practiced in mine...so how will it be indian culture?

Exceptions are always there. But when we term something and talk, we take a general phenomenon with exceptions. In western culture many orthodox families may be found, but they are exceptions.
Nandini Deka
from Bombay
6 years ago

rio...this whole thingy of indian culture is bit crap....india is too diverse in its practices....you know there are many communities in south where its okay for uncle n neice to marry....but in north its unthinkable fyi...i dont want to start any north south debate or rift....but just making a point....same way in places like meghalaya,...its matriachal society where man moves into brides home unlike other places....so lets not talk this elusive indian culture...where you'll find many differences in practices

The Sorcerer
from Mumbai
6 years ago

The thing about culture is that it evolves according to people and its lifestyle. So... 

Vibha Ravi
Vibha Ravi
from Mumbai
6 years ago

To add my two bits to this conversation - It depends on what you want and who you marry.

If your partner recognizes your dreams and aspirations and encourages you to follow them, marriage is a good deal. But if no one from that side of the family is willing to support you then it's a struggle. 

Things get more complicated when you have a child. The trick is to not try being the 'ideal' mother as defined traditionally but to carve your own path and have your partner on your side. If that doesn't happen, re-evaluate what is more important to you, take steps in that direction and live by  your decisions. 

Very well said.
Vijay Prabhu
Vijay Prabhu
from Mumbai
6 years ago

Shadi.com

Spelling is wrong vijay. It is shaadi.com and inke bharose ho chuki shaadi. Get up from slumber and seek advice, more preferably from "the advice shop." Rokada kharch karo. Nahi to kishto me kharch karoge xindagi bhar.
Sweta Biswal
Sweta Biswal
from Bengaluru
6 years ago

It varies from person to person....some folks are very supportive while others are not !! Ppl change and so do their priorities.....

Sanjay Kamath
Sanjay Kamath
from Mumbai
6 years ago

It is purely subjective. Experiences vary greatly from person to person. There is no concrete rule. Just the luck of the draw. Embarassed

Ankita Singhal
Ankita Singhal
from Mumbai
6 years ago

Marry someone who respects your wishes, your dreams and if it's making career then that too. So, question isn't really about marriage/career , it's about marrying the right person or not. Laughing Just my opinion. I have friends who are married & are still working in MNCs happily even there in-law's are supportive. 

Ankita Singhal
from Mumbai
6 years ago

And yes many leave the career happily for family. It's about personal choices. Career and marriage aren't always at the opposite sides, one shouldn't always be blamed because of another choice.

--

Never argue with a lady my child. Never.

Just 2-3 days back, I have had conversation in a whatsApp group on this. A girl was cribbing(?), how girls always have to sacrifice career after marriage. How uneven it is. And how does even independent,educated women leave their career, in the name of Love and family. Her point was that, society is so patriarchal that girls are forced to ditch career after marriage. I had a hard time convincing her that most of the times it's true, but many times girls willingly do it! They willingly let go off career due to either their genuiene love for her husband, or for her kids. She was not convinced with the genuine love angle. And she was of the opinion that an independent, educated, earning girl can NEVER leave her career willingly, without being forced. I had a very difficult time arguing.

Then finally, a girl only came to my rescue, she explained that there are many kinds of girls- one set of girls no longer wishes to work after marriage (even though no pressure), their intention and wish is to enjoy at someone else's money; another set of girls, who don't work willingly in order to give time to child/family, and then yet another, who are forced NOT to work post marriage.... and then yet another set of girls who manage to do both!!

And I was like "Bingo!!", this couldn't have been explained better! So basically, that's the sad part of marriage, changes, accomodations, compromises have to be made by both the parties. Now who makes more accomodations, is another  thing. (one girl corrected me that "compromise" is a wrong term. If you are "compromising" post-marriage, then there is no love left in the marriage!!).

From my point of view, the best would be that the women or man, any one of them could leave their job for a couple of years, post having kids. A child's formative years is very crucial. Proper nutrition and care is very important. After the child attains 4-5 yrs of age, both couples could start working again, juggling job and family together.

 

StyleDestino
StyleDestino
from Mumbai
6 years ago

Its like asking who do u think is more important - your mother or father? I think while it depends from person to person for me I cant choose what is more important. Both are like water and air to me

HR
HR
from Bangalore
6 years ago

Don't get married, don't marry and don't marry. Carry on with career, career and careers Cool.

I just pity people taking free advice. No takers for paid one on one direct counsel.
I remember having read of a praying mod gal. "God, give me a rich husband, I don't mind if he is a perfect ass."
HR
from Bangalore
6 years ago

A young girl married to 90 years budda who is millionaire...after few days girl's school mate/friend came to know and asked her...abey pagli kya dekh ke is budde se shaadi ki Tongue out. That girl simply replied...ek tho income aur doosra budde ka din kam Wink. Then, all will be mine Laughing. WhatsApp story!

I think i am one of the most eligible ones to comment and my advice i am sure can help greatly, but it doesn't come free. I have opened a shop, "the advice shop" anyone who feels the need of advice I am present. I hope this isn't ssp. God knows my intentions. Amen.
No takers on a matter of extreme importance. My shop may close due to arrogance of clients but my well wishes none the less. May you all prosper in leap and bounds.
HR
from Bangalore
6 years ago

I know you are well-wisher Cool

Thank goodness, one supporter.
Shravya Gunipudi
Shravya Gunipudi
from Hyderabad
6 years ago

Each person has his own priorities. Just because I may prefer career over marriage or vice versa, it does not mean that one cannot choose to have both. 

It's up to personal choice. I know women who blame marriage for having to give up their careers and I also know women managing both perfectly well. Your outlook is the one that determines the path you choose.

 

 

Anjali Sengar
from Gurgaon
6 years ago

Hmmm.. Nice answer Shravya :)

Amarendra Bandla
Amarendra Bandla
from Bangalore
6 years ago

Both. Being independent is as important as being part of a family. Those who think that the current job is too hectic should have the guts to take a job with less work pressure even though that job pays less. something is better than nothing.


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