Strive for 'blog-life' balance

Smita Sahay
Smita Sahay
from Noida
14 years ago

Friends, 

I would like to use this space to debate a topic very close to my heart.

It is a nice feeling to connect and 'talk' with a whole lot of people on issues so diverse, with minimum effort.

However, it is this lack of effort that can result in a very negative feeling in the long run.

Real people need real interactions too. Smile

Let us not ignore those real relationships in favour of the virtual ones. That is the only way to stay balanced and happy.

This medium is so gratifying that it is very easy to get completely addicted to opening up the computer to see that one comment, type that one thought.

So much so that for some, it becomes difficult to even pass by the room where the computer is kept, without opening it (of course, for many, it is never switched off!)! 

It has been the subject of many studies that too much reliance on cyberspace for alleviating loneliness actually further accentuates it in the long run.

Let us try and promote a healthy lifestyle, where we can all enjoy this interaction, without letting it consume us!

Some of us are able to balance work-life-blog with ease. For those who find it difficult, let us begin now!

So, in case you do not get replies to each entry here, please understand that I am spending time with a loved one, and do feel free to take charge of the conversation!Smile

Cheers! And do have a great New Year!

Replies 1 to 13 of 13 Descending
Smita Sahay
Smita Sahay
from Noida
14 years ago

Thanks Ashwin

Garf
Garf
from Somewhere in India
14 years ago

Addiction in any form is bad. I agree and wholly support the balance you talked of. But, is life and it's balance all about real life? What is it that is virtual that you are referring to? A comment...ain't that something said by someone with his own views and perception..aint that for real? Waiting and getting hooked onto to check if any comments came or not is about how much attention and support and caring people you have got in the real world. many blog because they feel a part of them gets a good listener here. I hope you give me the freedom to stay in the arena of blogs only if you have posted such a topic here.

 

So...what is wrong if someone is addicted to computers and awaits eagerly a comment and some attention and words of notice? What is wrong in such an addiction which actually gives you something to look forward to at the end of the day or during the day and keeps you motivated to get heared and pen down your own true self?

 

Pardon me..if you disagree but can you throw in something regarding these?

Smita Sahay
from Noida
14 years ago

Hi Garf, Forgive me for taking so long to reply...wish you a happy new yearSmile!

I talk of two things:

We are humans first, and not machines, therefore, real pleasure and a feeling of lasting satisfaction can only result from human interaction

Nature on this earth is designed to be a balance...the yin has a yang to counter and nullify the effect of both....successful and happy people are able to find this balance and maintain it....addiction is a sign of one overtaking the other, and causing an upset in the balance....

Once upon a time real life was spent with real people, making the time to meet them, and showing real emotions, not inserting emoticons....alas...

That is my point, that waiting for the one comment, the seal of approval from people we have never met or will meet....are we really so lonely, or are we making the real people around us invisible....

I had guests over for New Year's who knew that the whole world is taking the Christmas and New Year weekend off, but couldn't resist checking their facebook and email accounts, while we waited for them at the breakfast table....

.....what about the approval that real people can give? Ok, they will not be in hundreds, maybe just a handful, but they can give wholesome and in depth approval, not just a comment 

About finding a good listener, if we put in half the effort that we put in with our machines, with people around us, it will yield at least one good listener, but we have to be patient....I think its more a case of taking for granted what and who is around us......

I say, blog by all means, but for saying something that has to be said, and that if you keep within will trouble you until it is let out.....its not that difficult to find a real friend...we just have to get our priorities right....

 

Suvojit Chattopadhyay
Suvojit Chattopadhyay
from Accra
14 years ago

I agree. I was thinking about this when reading the recent news from a ASSOCHAM research which claimed that employees waste time online thereby affecting productivity. But then, in the first place, many workplaces promote (subtly or otherwise) a culture where employees are encouraged to stay at work long beyond their work hours.

Garf
from Somewhere in India
14 years ago

I think this is case where they don't love what they do. This doesnt exactly fit into a "'blog-life' balance" scenario. Correct me if i am wrong.

Garf
Garf
from Somewhere in India
14 years ago

@Smita: happy New Year to you too....a reply always is good...the delay doesn't really matter to me.

You say "We are humans first, and not machines, therefore, real pleasure and a feeling of lasting satisfaction can only result from human interaction".  How do you distinguish pleasure as being real or not? It is just something you feel. And when you feel, may be whatever, it is ofcourse for real only. And here we are not talking about machines i guess. Machines are being operated upon. Presently, my PC is not automated to write this. I am making it do this. What is virtual and machine? Comments, blogs, forums, some games like Second Life etc are all humane in content but virtual in presentation. When you know that, things can move.

 

I agree about people checking mails and stuffs etc during New Year eves and all and certainly, people around us should be prioritized. But the question is, why are they that way? Is it juts an addiction? Nope. Addiction has a cause. They might have failed, they might not have got whta they expected in real life or there might be a void which they want to fill up. All these "AVATAR's" of games online and bloggers eager for followers and comments etc are nothing but a virtual representation of their self where in they interact with nothing but humans. It's a world of connectivity. If i see a guy hooked onto game forums discussing and creating groups, i get pissed off at times when he isnt available to talk and share but at the same time, he is alive, he is filling up his platter with matter which matters to him the most and he feels good.

We always get good people around who are well wishers, friends, good listeners, logical souls etc but we do get them online too. I know many personally who realy mean to me something. They are a part of my life. And if any one of them goes misisng someday, i would feel the pain too. Smileys are an expression. Ofcourse, a real smile on a face can never be replicated but i can always feel the aura which it transmits. I don't see any difference between between a guy dying to meet his friends after a long time and have his party with the group and a guy dying to interact with his group discussing a game or strategy or blog or something else.

I feel all of them are an exprtession of a self/soul and they all are humane. Just the media is different. And as long as we all are connected, satisfied, happy and can feel that pulse of excitement and trepidation, everything is justified.

Balance is not only about having an equal proportion of things but also about what are those things and it is none but the person himself has to decide what are those things.

Smita Sahay
from Noida
14 years ago

Hi Garf, thanks for taking the time out to think this topic so thoroughly....

Pleasure is pleasure, I agree, and connecting is also connecting, whether with a person physically present, or one sitting behind a machine.

Words do have the ability of conveying emotions, whether spoken or written. In fact, if they didn't, human beings would not be drawn to this medium.

"How do you distinguish pleasure as being real or not? It is just something you feel. And when you feel, may be whatever, it is ofcourse for real only."

However, I'm more convinced now than before that a balance needs to created between the virtual and the real world.

With your permission, I'd like to use our interaction as an example to illustrate my point.

Definitely, it feels nice to have a response to something that matters to me. I can also sense the depth of your insight, and the warmth in your words, which aim to put across your point, without offending me and other readers. 

If this new found friendship sits comfortably with my other existing relationships, life is all hunky dory.

However, if I now start displacing some of those for a few moments of pleasure at the sight of a response from you, I stand the chance of losing out on a holistic relationship in favour of a uni dimensional one (purely objective observation, no offence meant).

If the effort and time I give to this space, when I have never met you, and maybe never will, and the importance I accord to your views and opinions, is far more than those of the people in my real world, I stand the chance of having a machine for company most nights and days.

As I gather more such friends, and my virtual world starts giving me more pleasure than the real world, I start withdrawing from actual speech, and the typed words become a more ready form of expression. 

Because I can pick up and drop friendships more easily here than in  real life, my efforts to meet up with people, spend evenings, holidays with them where I have limited or no access to my cyber friends, will slowly come down. 

One great advantage to the shaping up of our personalities is the company of other beings like us. The daily interactions help us develop as individuals.

It is not possible to portray our true selves via a machine, as our interactions are at a conscious level. What about the subconscious messages that we give out, which can be perceived only by another living being, as a machine is not capable of detecting ambiguity?

Instead of progressing, we are bound to regress and lose our depth, and become plain and unidimensional if we do not balance our interactions with equal doses of real life interactions.

As to your point about people feeling rejected by the real world and taking to this form of connecting, I have a different perspective.

Real world relationships take more time and effort to develop than the virtual world ones.Because of this, the number of real friends and genuine carers for us may be very small.

In comparison, one comment can attract a large number, seemingly effortlessly!

There is also more giving involved than mere lip service in the real world, all very daunting for today's people, who have no time for such "trivia". 

Take a good look at our parents/grandparents. They all have at least one friend who has understood then inside out, accepted them unconditionally, and stood by them through thick and thin, been almost like one of the family.

Can many people today claim to leave behind at least one such friend for their grandchildren?

Garf
Garf
from Somewhere in India
14 years ago

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@Smitha: This is getting interesting. It has been a long time since I got into such length discussion stretched over a period. But a request: whatever I say or write is my view and is subjected to flaws by the onlookers and readers. I am just putting in what I feel about it…no offense meant with all respect to your views and concerns and opinions.  

 

You said “However, if I now start displacing some of those for a few moments of pleasure at the sight of a response from you, I stand the chance of losing out on a holistic relationship in favour of a uni dimensional one (purely objective observation, no offence meant)”. This kept me wondering. The buzz owrd here in this text of your for me was “displacing”. Why do you think you would ever do that? Who do you think someone would do that? I really am keen on getting an answer for this question. I feel strongly that this answer to my question would make my point clear.

 

I wonder why this imbalance should happen at all which you mentioned above by saying “displacing”. From my view, it is this: I am human and I am social and I interact. Forms vary and can be exemplified as virtual/online or real world. But, I simply do it coz I like it. And I love it and I am alive. Now, whether I get someone for a real friend online or I don’t, whether I start neglecting people around me or I start counting my hours online, whether the balance is there or is it not, all of these are things which I question because to me, they all are same, equal and alive. I never bothered about asking myself and if someone asks me right now, I really don’t know if I am hooked onto the www or do I really spend the time with my people. But let me tell you this, all I know is, I have people around who get me when they want/need/feel and there are forums online and posts which get the comments and the answers and the queries wherever I feel it is needed and I am almost always online and I talk daily for more than three hours on an average on my cellphone and I work in IT and have awkward timings and I get a good sleep too and additionally I am preparing for interviews too and the list goes on…and ma no super human. I am just a mediocre with normal IQ. Bottom line: I do whatever I like. I don’t believe in balance or in an effort to maintain it. It’s life. There are no rules. You just play. As long as the distance gets covered and you proceed further down the road, who cares how you did it…eventually even you will stop doing that.

 

I have friends offline and online and I need them alike. I have huge dependencies on them. And I truly think that relationships happen. They just happen and when they do, they can be offline or online. It is a world of global connectivity and all of this isn’t just there for being in touch. It’s about us, using technology to reach out and embrace views, people behind them and all of it. My online activities are a part of me. They aren’t something which I need to monitor. I am hooked to check out my scraps and chat and see comments posted and I am also hooked to meet my college pal and watch a movie at a multiplex and smoke on a hill top at midnight with air and my buddies.

 

You say “It is not possible to portray our true selves via a machine, as our interactions are at a conscious level.”  I agree. But it is possible to convey my views, my motives, my thoughts and myself. You talk about subconscious and I say, I like someone, I get the number, I start talking and someday when I am in the city, we meet and we start something which we worked for and we share that a nd we are friends and we stay and share this journey. Just that, I add a delay to the subconscious happenings and its chances.

 

You say “Real world relationships take more time and effort to develop than the virtual world ones.” I don’t agree to it. It all depends. It takes time for a relationship to grow. And you know when it is happening. Even in real life, I can count hundreds which happen fast and die out. And even in the online context, I can count hundreds where in it takes months to share something finally and get a relationship out of it. How can you generalize?

 

And lastly, “Can many people today claim to leave behind at least one such friend for their grandchildren?” Well, I can and my eleven other friends with whom I am close to, surely can Smile

 

I feel that without all these if I just enjoy myself doing whatever I like to and I interact being true to myself in what I do and feel, be it online or the real world, I always stand a chance to gain. And I can gain not only in the form of friends and relationships, I may gain knowledge, the satisfaction of self expression, the light on my boredom, the sense of togetherness, the joy of interactions, the pride in contributions and the list goes on. Why should I decide where and in what ratio it should happen as long as I gain when I know what is important to me?

Smita Sahay
Smita Sahay
from Noida
14 years ago

Hi Garf, That was a huge, huge reply, and yes, this has got us into a lenghty discussion.

I'm sure many readers will just skip this page and leave us to it. Smile 

First of all, let me clarify, in my first post on this topic, I stated that:

"Some of us are able to balance work-life-blog with ease. For those who find it difficult, let us begin now!"

From the start, I did not mean to include the people who are able to manage their time and relationships well (which is not decided by them, but by the satisfaction of their near and dear ones).

Let me now explain what I meant by the term "displacement".

It was meant purely in the sense of time allotted to A and therefore time taken away from B. After all. we have just those many hours in a day.

I feel the way we think also reflects our ages, stages of life, and our commitments.

Sure when one is young, and just oneself to answer to, the freedom to use one's time as one wants is there.

I'd say, even for people in a relationship, its mostly fine, as today everyone is on the move in jobs, and free at diff times. So it makes sense to be in touch and reply whenever one can to messages etc.

The juggle starts once a person settles down, adjusts to a network of relationships on either side, which are not part of their work circuit, and has children.

Children need real time to develop wholesomely in a healthy manner. So do very close relationships. The security in it comes in only with real time spend. Emotions here do matter more than emoticons!Smile

There are so many men and women I know personally who would rather spend an hour checking their blogs and facebook accounts than go play downstairs with their children.  

Like you mentioned earlier, their children hooked too, to games, playstations, etc. So, a six year old who's constantly jamming buttons in his city flat, gets bored on a holiday to the wild. 

I'm not making this up. The number of small children who ask for my phone to play games on while the parents chat with me has gone up tremendously. 

Life was supposed to become easier with technology. It has, but aggression and impatience has also gone up. 

We are in the age of instant messaging, but get irritated with a 'slow' internet connection. 

It seems everybody today is living the Olympic slogan of "Citius, Altius and Fortius" meaning Faster, Higher and Stronger, leading us, to where? 

There are many, in fact a large number of people who already realise that early exposure to technology is not good, and take the time and effort in taking tech-less holidays. 

There is nothing wrong with a knife. Its what one does with it, kill or use it in the kitchen. So definitely, the power lies in the hands of the individuals.

People feel vulnerable and insecure if they are anywhere without their mobiles, laptops, and GPSs. Why? 

We are treating all this as normal. Is it? 

 

Garf
Garf
from Somewhere in India
14 years ago

@Smitha: I too hope someone really reads all this...Laughing

Nez....who cares.....let us keep this going till we conclude...if at all we would...LOL

 

You are right. It all depends on the individual and what he/she doesn with the knife. But you didn't answer some of my questions i feel and this one in particular "Why should I decide where and in what ratio it should happen as long as I gain when I know what is important to me?".

 

It is this sense of staying connected and occupied and belonging somewhere which i feel answers the question "People feel vulnerable and insecure if they are anywhere without their mobiles, laptops, and GPSs. ".

 

We hav technology. Kids are asking for mobiles to play. We are impatient and a slow connection drives us mad. This ain't normal for certain. We want more and better and so shall we get and be. Kids today are much more smarted than they used to be. What do you think..is it good or bad? We are productive and much more aware of our surroundings, alert to situations, have access to people and masses, have a space out there visible to everyone, have forms of self expression....what do you think....it is good or bad?

Mukund
Mukund
from Noida
14 years ago

I too agree with finding a balance. Though I must say it is very difficult. I have been going through this myself where it has been really difficult for me to decide how to devote time to my professional and personal life. But I suppose it is really important to strike that balance.

Cheers

Smita Sahay
Smita Sahay
from Noida
14 years ago

Hi Garf! 

See, I am making time to reply to this, 'displacing' other work!LaughingLaughing! Kidding!

Hi Mukund, welcome to the discussion! Acc to me, that's what life is, actually...a series of choices...The fact that you realise you need a balance is I guess the first step...that's how it happened with me, when I decided to make a choice....so, good luck, and don't give up! 

Parv, Suvojit and Anwyn, maybe you could add your thoughts as well....Smile

Okay, Garf, to answer your question above:

"Why should I decide where and in what ratio it should happen as long as I gain when I know what is important to me?".

I thought my comment about being free and having no time consuming committments would have answered that one!

Acc to me, its all right till one have only oneself to think about. The juggle, as I mentioned, starts when a second important person enters the frame.

When we are young, we are in the 'taking' mode, nothing wrong with that, because that is how nature has designed us to be...once we settle down, the time to 'give' begins, and that is where one confronts difficult choices....how much of self satisfaction should be balanced with the satisfaction of others'? Not easy!

Today, I feel that the majority of relationships are more fragile, as most people are unable to put in the time, more than the effort. 

Kids are becoming smarter than the previous generation, no doubt, but are they all happy?

Is that happiness lasting, or transient? Does it take more effort these days to keep them happy?

Many kids today, apart from being more intelligent than the previous generation. are also bored, depressed, impatient and less attentive than before.

I am not trying to paint a doomsday picture, There are many kids and parents who manage to cope pretty well, and if you examine their lives closely, they are the ones who spend extra effort to maintain this balance.

One more strange thing that is happening/has happened, very very surreptitiously, is the sociological change. 

The generations previous to us had all the checks and balances built into society. It was repressive at times, but like everything can't be all good or all bad, some of the earlier factors like parental monitoring prevented the slipping of individuals into helpless situations.

Today, that factor has mostly disappeared, people are in charge of their own lives, some managing very well, but many more learning only after slipping through the bottom of the barrel.

Those are the people I thought I'd address.....become aware that this could happen to them, prevent it, and enjoy the real truth that "less is actually more", in the long run!Smile

So, what say, Garf?Smile To me, it appears the discussion is just warming up!

Cheers everyone! 

 

Garf
Garf
from Somewhere in India
14 years ago

Hi Smita,

 

Yeah it is getting warmer....lol...and i certainly was waiting for the reply... :-)

 

Ok..so you wanna address people who are finding it difficult to adjust and rob in the required time and effort for a balance. But what i don't understand is that when you know that people out there need you or there is an aspect in your life that needs time and attention, how do you fly from it? Do you think Smita that any mortal with minds would do that just for the sake of his/her addictions affliated to the www realm? Don't you think that the addiction and the time we spend online is in a big way related to the voidness in our lives and when one can see ways to fill them, they would hold back? If you especially want to address people who know such problems exist and that they want to balance it and that they aren't are able to and they keep on checking mails/orkut/facebook/comments/blogs/forums or whatever....man...i must say they better be that way then. Any human beyond the age of 20 has that sense to adjust the balance while playing with the ratio he assigns to each which differ from time to time.

 

Technology fills and creates a void. The trick is to identify what it addresses and what it can't. Like you said, smileys for a real smile...on the same lanes.......i strongly feel that we all know what needs to be done when. And when we know and we dont do it and name it as a balance issue, well, the problem is somewhere else and not at all related to cutting down online hours or exposure and blaming it with a cloak of addiction.

 

I ask again that is it with people who are unable to address the balance and just hooked onto www? Is it really that starnge? Is it really true that these genetic awesomes are unable to hold themselves back and devote time when they know there are aspects in their life which need attention?

 

Smita Sahay
Smita Sahay
from Noida
14 years ago

 

Hi Garf, Parv,

I'll have to keep disappearing off and on, so if there is anyone who wishes to respond to keep this discussion  going, please feel free to do soSmile

Parv, life is a cycle. So, who knows, our great great grandchildren may well be indulging in playing pithoo, gulli danda, and other 'ancient ' forms of leisure activities, and discussing how an entire generation was 'lost' to the internet!Smile

Much like we shake our heads now in disapproval at the baby boomers and the hippies!Laughing

Garf, my response to:

"when you know that people out there need you or there is an aspect in your life that needs time and attention, how do you fly from it

You speak of two needs here. One: others' need Two: one's own need

Both are legitimate needs.

The question is to know how much to ask outside forces and how much to rely on oneself to fulfil them. 

Balancing both is the art of juggling these two methods of fulfilment. 

The biggest conquest of all in our lives is the conquest of our mind.

Our mind and desires are elastic, they can fool a human being into thinking he/she still needs more, and keep pushing it. The trick is in controlling the mind, not in having it control us.

"Don't you think that the addiction and the time we spend online is in a big way related to the voidness in our lives and when one can see ways to fill them, they would hold back?"

Yes, addiction is many times a response to a void, but have you ever heard of any addiction helping fill that void permanently?

If it did, why would people keep coming back for more?

The feeling of fulfilment is temporary, because our actions are a substitute for what we really want. 

Contentment, and knowing that pushing ourselves to any limit does not bring happiness is, to me, the only key.

That some people learn this fact by watching others, while others only learn after going through the expereince themselves, is also a fact.

As to why I don't just let it be, and let people decide for themselves how much is enough, that's precisely what I'm doing.

My attempt here is to provide a glimpse of another side of the mountain that may have been overlooked, or that may have always been visible, but dismissed or ignored.

Since this a space where one can campaign for social causes close to their heart, I decided to use it the way I thought would be meaningful for others as well as for me.

So one can take a look, and carry on climbing the mountain the way one wants. 

Age has nothing to do with knowing when to say 'enough'.

People of all ages today are 'hooked'. 

My point still remains the same, that human beings need to spend real time with other human beings to feel happy, content and satisfied. 

Ask any European tourist in India, who has been in the lap of technology decades before it came to India, and they will tell you that they love the way families spend so much real time together, and that people seem so happy and smiling despite what seems to them no reason to smile at all.

Let us preserve this aspect of ourselves, and while we take all good things not only from the West, but from the East, the South and the North, let us also learn from their mistakes, instead of repeating them!

Cheers!Smile

 

 

Garf
Garf
from Somewhere in India
14 years ago

@smita: hello...i don't see people discussing the topic or suggesting anything..nez...back to our discussion....

 

"My point still remains the same, that human beings need to spend real time with other human beings to feel happy, content and satisfied. "...........I can see many toher channels and ways which empower with the same. And your real time is what i don't understand. happiness, contentment and satisfaction is all around us and one need not have people around to have it. I have work and i can play/watch games and i can interact online or blog my life and etc etc....and i get the same...so what is this real time that you mentioned? If i am online, am i spending unreal time? I can't feel happy?  the whole discussion was about people who are not able to balance things. And hence i again ask....is it true that one knows that there are people in his life or there are things and aspects of his life which needs attention and still, they can't focus as they are hooked onto the www...? Is that the case? If it is not, how come is it a balance issue and even if it is, then why aren't they able to address it? Is it simply about being hooked? I really want an answer for these.......you say these are legitimate...but thats not an answer to my questions.... :)

 

"Ask any European tourist in India, who has been in the lap of technology decades before it came to India, and they will tell you that they love the way families spend so much real time together, and that people seem so happy and smiling despite what seems to them no reason to smile at all."...........Why would i do that? An european...???? What have we learnt from them till date? We don't have any respect for work....we don't value humanity as a race.....we are still in between....our country is divided in knowledge and opinions and beliefs on religion, work, culture and blah blah.....howsoever we might know or whatever they might be, they value work.....they respect work....and that is the first thing which bothers me about indians. We still look upon people by what they do....instead of identifying the value they give and how they do it.....we still have good work and nasty work and small works...LOL.....i would better go and learn it before i ask about spending time with my family......

 

"Let us preserve this aspect of ourselves, and while we take all good things not only from the West, but from the East, the South and the North, let us also learn from their mistakes, instead of repeating them!".........What are the mistakes you refer to? Did anyone say or was it implied that they were at fault in something? There is nothing like a good thing or a bad thing...it is just a perception.......good and bad are relative....neither exists without the other......what we may find as faulty might be in fact be a correct thing to do...and lets not forget that there exists a huge gap when it comes to them and when it comes to us........i have seen people partying for three weeks at a stretch...and being a master in what they do....they love every aspect of their lives...its about loving yourself and your life....there are so much to see and gain.....and how do all these map to the balance of people who, i think, are unable to give time or address issues in their life just because they are hooked onto www...... :)

 

Cheers....

Well fot me it is important to stay connected............though i love the offline life of mine too.....I'm new in the city and cause of internet i don't feel alone.....but i am..........

You can also say i should go out and meet real ppl and not sitting at home and blogging..........but this does help.......yes, it would be much better to meet ppl and get some real experience....

 

aaahhhh....i'm all confused....but i can see the same thing from both ways.....helping and sabotaging......which ever wins on the day.......is best.....but still it makes my day

 

\,,/

Garf
from Somewhere in India
14 years ago

Hi Ritesh,.....Well, that you are not alone because of your online active life is understandable. but yes, with time, as life moves on, you will gain friends and have a life out there too...and then you would do whatever you feel right and good for you...but would you ever get carried away to an extent that you start neglecting the other? I feel a BIG NO....ofcourse you won't...right? And i want to know if at all anyone would....and if anyone would..it is an issue...i guess in life...we always stay addicted with something or the other..


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